That's My Request
by Queen-of-Sussness
Summary: Remus cuts and explains it away on his transformations. He's been doing it for two years and so far no-one's found out...but that's about to change. Sirius/Remus, yaoi, M for cutting


A/N: I've been working on this one for a while so I hope you enjoy it. And also a big shout-out to anyone and everyone who reads my stories - I love you all without exception and those who review will recieve free internet cookies with hot chocolate! Enjoy!

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That's My Request

Remus stared at himself in the mirror with hatred: he hated his wolf-scars; he hated his hair – that mousy, drab brown that always hung the wrong way; he hated his slight, straight build – he even hated the muscles he had because of the agonising transformations he went through each month. He sighed heavily. There was nothing he liked about his body except for the scars scattered across both his arms, that were just slightly too straight and precise to have happened naturally.

Those he'd put there himself.

No-one knew about them and he planned to keep it that way. He simply explained them off due to the full moon. No-one liked to talk to him about it (made easier by the fact that few knew he was a werewolf anyway) so they believed him and only gave him sympathetic looks, which suited him fine.

_No-one needs to know anyway…I doubt they'd be very impressed...they'd probably try to help me by sending me to a psychiatrist._ He scoffed. _I don't need that sort of help – I don't have a problem._ Oh, he knew the old adage "the first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem". Except he didn't believe he had a problem – he did this because he enjoyed it: that was it, end of story.

He picked up his razor and examined the edge on it.

Sharp. Good.

He set it against his left arm and slowly drew the blade across his skin, slicing into the flesh and drawing blood. He winced but then sighed with happiness as the red liquid seeped out. He pumped his hand a bit and squeezed the edges of the cut, forcing more blood to come out, and then he lapped it up. He always licked off his blood: no point wasting something that smelt and tasted so good.

He was pulled from his bliss by James banging on the door. "Open up Moony! You've had the bathroom for nearly half an hour!"

_Shit!_ Remus quickly cleaned off his razor and put it back in its place next to the sink on the far right, closest the door, and pulled his clothes on in record time, making sure to cover his most recent cut. It would be harder to explain if someone saw it because the full moon was a week away. Luckily it was cold outside so he should be able to get away with wearing his jumper all day; though just in case he had put on a long-sleeved shirt as well. He took a deep breath to calm his racing heart then hurriedly unlocked the door and let James in.

"'Bout time Remus! I swear your turning into more of a woman every day!" James grinned at him and he smiled back, punching the stag in the arm before walking past him, picking up his bag and strolling down the staircase. Even though he looked perfectly normal on the outside, inside Remus was seething that his enjoyment had been cut short; not mention almost being caught and the threat of it stopping for good. After more than two years of practice, he could perfectly fake being normal after a cutting session, even though he never, ever was.

That was the closest he'd ever come to getting caught. It had certainly made his heart pound and, much to his surprise, it had also made the blood flow quicker out of the cut. _Hmm…I wonder if I should make a habit of that…more blood would mean a bigger scar... _As he'd been brooding, he hadn't noticed where he was going and walked straight into Sirius coming up the stairs.

"Whoa! Watch it, Moony!"

Remus yelped in surprise as he fell backwards and landed sprawled over the stairs, Sirius standing over him. The dog stared down at him for a second before shaking his head and hauling on his arm to help him up: unknowingly grabbing onto where he had just cut. Remus sucked in a pained breath and jerked his arm out of Sirius' hold.

Sirius looked at him in concern. "Are you alright Moony? I didn't hurt you did I?"

Remus shook his head, smiled reassuringly and said "its fine" before descending the stairs, leaving Sirius to frown after him.

_Oh, God, that was too close!_ Remus thought as he ducked into an alcove just past the door to the common room and rested his head back against the wall taking deep breaths to slow his heart rate. Two of his best mates had, within a minute of each other, almost found out his secret. He pulled back the sleeves of his jumper and shirt and was slightly surprised to find that the cut was still seeping a small amount of blood; he licked off what was on the skin but it had also stained his shirt. _Well, shit, this complicates things…how the hell I am supposed to be able to hide…_ _you, idiot – seal it with magic! That's why you're learning this stuff!_ As he continued to berate himself for being such a dumbass he sealed the cut enough to stop the blood and cleaned the stain off his shirt.

Just as he was pulling down his sleeves, Sirius strode past the alcove. Remus caught his breath sharply, berating himself as soon as the sound passed his lips, because Sirius turned his head to locate the noise. At first he didn't realise that it was Remus, but soon the recognition showed in his eyes and he grinned his usual smart-ass, cocky-son-of-bitch grin and Remus felt his insides simultaneously clench in fear of discovery and start to boil at the sight of that smile.

He knew there was a very small (read: nonexistent) chance that Sirius might ever return his feelings and it was very frustrating as he loved the dog unconditionally. He'd tried to gauge how Pads would react to the knowledge that one of his best mates loved him and as a result Sirius had been convinced for about three months that Peter loved him and had refused to go anywhere with the rat; Remus had given up at that point and resigned himself to a life of celibacy, because he didn't want anyone except Sirius.

Fortunately no-one had discovered this secret of his either.

_Why do I have so many secrets all of a sudden?_ He wondered silently as he tried to maintain the dog's steady look. He realised Sirius had said something.

"What?"

"Gods, Moony, your head really is in the clouds today. I asked if you're going to come down to breakfast."

"Oh, right, yeah; yeah lead the way Pads," he once again smiled reassuringly and Sirius seemed fooled by it.

XxxxX

Sirius wasn't fooled by that smile for a second. He knew that there was something going on with Remus and he'd be damned if he didn't find out what it was; but it would take very careful manoeuvring – Remus didn't open up easily, even to his best mates.

Sirius pretended to forget about the incident, but as the day wore on he watched Remus closely and noticed that he became more and more relaxed as he fell for Sirius' acting.

It was while they were doing their homework that evening (well, Remus was doing his homework, Sirius was throwing a ball in the air, twirling it around with magic and James was playing chess with Peter) that Sirius decided to broach the subject.

"Hey why were you so spaced-out this morning, Moony? Did something happen?" Sirius tried for a nonchalant tone and kept playing with the ball, but Remus went as stiff as an ironing board and shot a sharp glance his way.

"Why would you think that, Pads?" His voice was perfectly steady except for the slightest tremor at the end of his sentence and Sirius became even more suspicious.

He waved his hand, making the ball fly about wildly, before shrugging his shoulders and pretending to blow his question off as insignificant. "You were even more out of it than usual – and that's saying something Moons." He grinned, trying to lighten the mood.

Remus' expression went even stonier and he stood up abruptly. Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I'm going to bed," the wolf announced. "'Night Pads, Prongs, Wormtail." He turned on his heel and strode across the Common Room, taking the stairs up to their dorm two at a time, leaving his homework on the table.

"Jesus, Pads, what did you say to him?" James asked, watching the stairs where Remus had disappeared with a small frown.

"Who knows?" Sirius blew it off, returning to juggling the ball with magic, but his eyes narrowed. There was no way Remus would act like that normally, so there _must_ be something going on…but how to find out what?

XxxxX

Remus was exhausted.

Sirius had been essentially glued to his hip for the past week and Remus had only just managed to get rid of him for a time other than when they were sleeping. He was sitting on top of Gryffindor Tower having lied to Sirius, telling him he was tired and going up to bed. Instead, Remus had climbed out their dorm window, nimbly clambered up the turret and was now perched on one of the gargoyles looking out over the lake.

There was no explanation for Sirius' behaviour except that he suspected Remus was hiding something and wanted to find evidence to prove it. The dog had never worried before about where, when or why he went somewhere beyond the normal friendly worry that was usually mixed with curiosity about whether he was meeting with a girl. Now, Sirius was cross-questioning him about his every intention: from going back to the tower to pick up forgotten homework, to going to the men's room, to taking a walk around the lake for some fresh air. It was slowly suffocating the wolf, not to mention that he hadn't been able to cut since that morning a week ago when both James and Sirius had nearly found out his secret, and he was therefore in sore need of release from his...tension.

The irritation of constantly being questioned and not being able to cut weren't the only problems he'd had this week. Sirius was constantly close to him, finding any excuse plausible to follow him, brush past him or get in his personal space; and many excuses that weren't plausible. As a result, Remus had been almost continually aroused and it was wearing on his nerves...and his comfort factor.

Fortunately, he had all of tomorrow night to himself: it was the full moon.

Sitting on the tower with nothing but air out in front of him and the entire castle grounds spread out for his enjoyment, he could feel the wolf inside him raise its head to the sky and wail out its wish to be free. He very nearly howled aloud in agreement, could feel the sound bubbling in his throat, but he held it in as it would most certainly alert Sirius that he wasn't really sleeping. Instead, he growled loudly in frustration at his self-denial and rose to his feet, balancing easily on the gargoyle he'd been sitting on. He looked down at the ground below tower. It didn't look like it would be that hard, what with all the cracks in the bricks, to climb down and run out his annoyance.

With the power of the moon, both inside him and the light it gave off, he managed to make it down to the ground in one piece. Once there he lifted his head to the wind and breathed deeply, taking in the assortment of scents and picking out one that he wanted to follow. He gave a happy laugh and launched into the night, dashing across the open ground between the castle and the Forbidden Forrest. Once he reached the edge of the Forrest he stopped dead and breathed deeply. As soon as he had the scent again he took off, dodging around, over and under the vegetation, hardly fluttering a leaf as he passed and leaving only faint footprints that no-one would be able to see, let alone follow, if someone were watching him.

On his way to the source of the scent he was following, he easily killed a deer, slung it over his shoulder and continued following the trail. Just before he arrived he slowed to a walk and then strode into the clearing.

The thestrals raised their dragonish heads and peered at him warily with blank, white, shining eyes. Remus gave an odd, shrieking cry and dumped the dead deer on the ground in front of him. The six or so skeletal beasts immediately came forward and began to devour the carcass with their sharp fangs. One male, however, walked pass the deer and approached Remus to bump his pointed nose against the wolf's shoulder in greeting.

"Hello, Tenebrus. How's the herd?" Remus whispered quietly as he gently scratched between the thestral's ears and stroked the sinuous neck.

Tenebrus tossed his head and snorted, stamping a hoof.

Remus grinned. "You can bring out the little ones if you like; no-one followed me."

Tenebrus eyed him for a second before turning to face the trees on the right side of the clearing. He gave a short, sharp shriek that echoed around the clearing and was answered from some distance within the trees. They waited side-by-side for a minute before a female thestral immerged from the trees, surveyed the clearing and then started forward, being closely followed by four young colts and another two females behind them. The young ones went straight for the deer carcass and started squabbling with each other and the two females that had come last followed and would snap at the colts if the argument grew too heated.

The lead female, however, walked over to Tenebrus and Remus; nuzzling against the head and neck of the former and then casting her pupil-less white eyes over Remus. After a long perusal of the wolf and a dainty sniff to memorize his scent, the female nudged his shoulder with her nose and turned to the carcass for her share.

Remus grinned and turned to Tenebrus who was watching his mate feed and fend off the colts if they became too annoying. Remus laughed as the smallest colt, who was fast becoming the base of a dog-pile, planted his feet, gave a defiant shriek and spread his leathery wings in a short snap that caused the others to be catapulted off him and onto the ground. Activity stopped at the shriek, and at Remus' laugh, but it was quickly established that there was no threat and the adults resumed their feast.

Tenebrus turned to Remus, regarded him steadily for a moment and then showed his back to him. The reptilian head twisted to give Remus a look that said "what-are-you-waiting-for?" and the thestral shook out his wings. Remus stared for a second before comprehending that Tenebrus was offering him a ride. He eagerly stepped onto the handy fallen tree that Tenebrus had moved next to and proceeded to sling his right leg over the thestrals back and slip neatly into place behind the wing joints, wrapping his hands through the silky mane as something to hold onto. Tenebrus gave a piercing cry in farewell, spread his great black wings wide and launched quickly into the air. Remus held on for dear life as the wings on either side of his legs pumped once, twice, three times sharply before they cleared the canopy of the Forbidden Forest.

They rocketed along at an amazing pace as Tenebrus raced across the treetops towards the mountains. He flew up high into the peaks and soared on the wind currents, taking Remus in a lazy circle that gave him panoramic views of the entire lake, forest, grounds and Hogwarts castle. Remus noted that there were very few lights still on in the castle and began to wonder how late it was before Tenebrus began a steep descent and all thoughts of returning to his dorm were pushed from his mind by the wind that sped past his face as he lowered himself against the thestral's silky neck. Just as Remus thought Tenebrus was actually going to dive into the lake, he pulled up short and stretched out his wings, gliding across the surface as he let one fore-hoof dangle into the water rushing below them. Remus laughed with giddy delight and sat up straighter on his perch, but did not remove his hands from Tenebrus' mane. He watched as the forest, no more than a green blur, sped past on his left and the lake stretched on forever beneath them. He heard a splash on their right and spun his head to look. There were merpeople leaping out of the water and somehow managing to keep up with the flying thestral. They waved to the duo as they dove and swum and Tenebrus gave a shriek in reply. Remus began to feel the same bubbling feeling in his throat as he'd felt on the tower, though this time it was different as he didn't have to worry about waking anyone up and alerting them to his absence. He lifted his head to the almost-full moon and howled, undulating his voice in a euphoric symphony that was quickly joined by the shrieking laughs of the merpeople and the haunting melody of the thestral under him. As their song went on and on his heart lifted and he felt truly free for the first time since being bitten by Fenrir Greyback.

However, that thought brought him back to earth and he ended his part of the song with a choked-off sob of a howl. The merpeople shrieked in despair and disappeared beneath the waves. Tenebrus gave a loud, piercing screech of denial and swerved to the left in a move that would have toppled Remus into the lake if he hadn't have been gripping hard with his knees and hands.

Tenebrus sailed easily over the canopy until he reached his family's clearing and he back-flapped for a moment before touching down on the ground light as a feather. Remus sat still as he waited for his equilibrium to return and once it had he slid off the bony back gracefully. Tenebrus folded his wings and turned to regard him with sad eyes; he lowered his head and pushed it into Remus' chest, offering him comfort. Remus smiled softly and stroked his neck, pushing his fingers through the smooth black mane and combing out the few knots that remained. Tenebrus made an odd sound then: it certainly wasn't a purr but it had the connotations of one. It was a deep rumbling in his chest that actually vibrated against Remus' hand and arm, but there was a harsh, husky aspect that overlay the loud rumble. Remus was so surprised that he stopped his impromptu combing and Tenebrus squawked at him in rebuke. The indignation conveyed through that one squawk was enough to send Remus into fits of laughter and he collapsed against the thestral's neck, laughing until his sides ached. Tenebrus wasn't impressed, but he also didn't move from his position supporting the wolf.

Remus wiped the last tears of mirth from his eyes and stood up straight. He looked Tenebrus in the eye, all mirth suddenly gone. "Make sure you and all your herd are far from the castle grounds tomorrow night."

Tenebrus regarded him solemnly and then rumbled his agreement. He butted his nose against Remus' shoulder once more before turning from him and calling to the rest of the herd. They raised their heads and, as one, turned and trotted off into the trees.

"Tenebrus!" Remus called out after the thestral. "Please be far, far away!"

His only reply was the swish of a long black tail before all traces of the herd were gone: except for the deer carcass that had been stripped of all meat and some of the larger bones were cracked and the marrow had been sucked out.

Remus sighed and turned towards home, trudging slowly where before he had sprinted with glee. He walked to the base of Gryffindor Tower and began the climb up, only thinking as far ahead as the next hand-hold. It wasn't until he'd slipped silently back in through the dorm window and walked to the bathroom that he realised he was covered in blood.

Most of it was the deer's, but he did have a number of small scratches over his arms, neck and face. _Great, and just how the hell are you going to explain all those grazes to Sirius, huh?_ Remus scowled at himself in the mirror and then turned away, stripping down for a shower.

The feel of the hot water over his back was heavenly and it was nice to wash off the blood that had congealed on his skin. He routinely went over every scratch, score and graze: removed every scab, licked off any blood that may have seeped out and then re-washed with the soap, enjoying the faint sting of the water hitting each small cut. He sighed in bliss as the water washed away his worries and pushed them down the drain, leaving his mind free of clutter. He shut off the stream of water, stepped out of the cubicle and grabbed a towel, quickly scrubbing at his hair and face and then wrapping it around his hips while he brushed his teeth.

The scratches looked both better and worse now that he'd been through a shower: better because there wasn't any gore to go with them and yet worse because the edges around them were slightly red and puffy because of the heat of the water. He knew they'd be fine in two days, completely healed after his transformation, but he also knew that there would be a whole bunch of new scratches, scars, cuts and abrasions to deal with after the ordeal.

He crossed his arms and scowled again at himself. He'd stopped asking the question "why me?" a long time ago. For a while he'd even seriously considered killing himself to get away from the wolf in him, and he still hadn't completely ruled it out, but he'd decided to stay around and see how things went for a while. He also didn't relish the fact that it probably would have killed his parents, as they would have blamed themselves, and it wouldn't have been easy on his school friends either. It was actually the thought of Sirius that had pulled him back from the brink and he'd realised that he wanted to live to see his school friend again. Of course, Sirius was more than a school friend to him now: much more.

Just as the thought crossed his mind, Sirius pushed open the bathroom door. He was rubbing sleep from his eyes and stopped when he realised someone was there. "Sorry Moons, didn't mean to barge in on you." He turned to leave after giving Remus a glance, but then stopped dead and turned back to stare at him, all trace of sleepiness gone. His eyes raked up Remus' chest, arms and neck before settling on his face. Sirius hands balled into fists. "Where have you been?" he asked through clenched teeth.

Remus sighed and ran a hand down his face. He glanced at Sirius' face, judging if he could get away with telling an exceedingly bad lie, but there was no way he could if Sirius' expression was anything to go by.

"The truth Remus."

That cinched it: Sirius knew him far too well.

The wolf sighed again. "I've been in the Forbidden Forest."

Sirius' face went slightly pale. "What the hell were you doing in there? And at one in the morning? It's tomorrow night you transform isn't it?"

"Yes, it is, but I just needed to get away for a while and work out some of my...tension."

"You should have told me and I would've come with you." Sirius' expression was faintly hurt.

Remus actually bared his teeth and growled before he realised it, but he quickly cut off the instinctive sound and snapped his mouth shut, hoping that Sirius hadn't heard it. When he glanced at his friend's face, however, his eyes were wide, mouth slightly open and Remus caught the faintest flicker of fear before Sirius hid the emotion away, closed his mouth and crossed his arms over his chest. Remus could tell that the dog was trying to look intimidating, but Remus knew him too well to be deceived by the facade.

"Did you just _growl_ at me Remus?" Sirius' tone was surprised, mocking and superior, but there was a definite quaver of fear underlying his words.

Remus glared back flatly. "Yes, I did. And do you want to know why?" Remus mocked the dog in return.

Sirius raised an eyebrow, continuing their current antagonistic feelings towards one another. "Please, pray tell."

"Because having you come along would have defeated the entire purpose of going in the first place." Remus paused and Sirius stared at him slightly shocked before he continued. "You haven't let me out of your sight for the past week, Sirius, _week_, and it's rubbing my nerves raw. I like my privacy, as you should know, and having you cross-question me every time I want to go somewhere is not my idea of a good time. So, from now on, if you could find your way to **not** following me, having me followed or questioning me about every little thing I do, I'd much a appreciate it."

The silence in the bathroom was very, very loud.

Remus stared at Sirius with an unbending expression while his best mate floundered, trying to rectify the situation and explain why he'd done those things without further antagonising the wolf. When he couldn't come up with anything Sirius just looked at Remus with a helpless expression and spread his arms in a shrug. "I...I don't know what to say, Remus," he paused hoping that his friend would understand, but Remus still stood there staring at him with that stony look. "I'm...sorry?" He made it a question and waited for Remus' reply. When none was forthcoming, once again, he sighed. "Well, I guess I'll go back to bed then. Good night Remus." And he turned on his heel and went back through the bathroom door, closing it softly behind him.

Remus let out a huge sigh and buried his face in his hands. He scrubbed harshly at his cheeks and then sunk his hands through his hair, tugging harshly at the roots. "God dammit," he said quietly to himself. "Could that have gone any worse, or was I leaving something out?" He turned to once again look at himself in the mirror and he didn't particularly like what he saw: drab brown hair, too many scars, fresh scrapes from his jaunt in the Forrest and now the burden of knowledge that he had just completely alienated the one man he had ever loved.

Something glinted in the corner of his eye and as he turned his head to look he realised it was his razer. He smiled. He hadn't cut for such a long time and the need was starting to gnaw at him. He wanted the pain – he didn't deserve it, he had enough pain in his life without this as well – but he wanted it all the same; and perhaps that want meant that he did deserve it. Right now he didn't care. All he needed was the blade, the blood, the scab and finally the scar: the reminder that he had a solution and it was a good one, even if no-body else thought so.

He picked up the sharp edge and contemplated his arms. Last time he'd cut his left arm so, for the sake of symmetry, this time he'd cut his right. He put the blade flat against his skin, pressed down lightly and started to draw it across the surface. The blood came immediately, but he still pressed harder and brought more of the life-giving red liquid to the surface for him to feast on. When he heard the first drip of the blood onto the floor he began to take the blade away – but the door opened and his head shot up.

"Remus, I didn't want to leave..." Sirius trailed off as he took in the sight before him: Remus, the blade still poised, the blood that was running down his arm and dripping to the floor and Remus' expression of shock slowly turning to one of horror as he realised that he'd been discovered, that the cutting would be made to stop now and that he'd have to find a new way to release his tension when he already had one that worked perfectly.

Sirius expression morphed as well, but his was from faint confusion into the dismay that his most trusted friend had been harming himself and not only had he not told him, but he hadn't realised. Everything about Remus, all the small inconsistencies, and especially what had happened a week ago, finally fell into place and made complete sense. They continued to stare at one another until Sirius spoke up. "Last week...when you freaked out on the stairs...and then in that alcove...you'd just cut hadn't you? And that night when you were actually cold to someone, and meant it, for an unknown reason...you just didn't want me to find out what you'd been doing..." Sirius said this with a profound sense of shock and continued to stare at Remus in amazement.

The wolf, on the other hand, was quickly calculating his chances of escape; his eyes dashed to the door and then back to the stunned boy in front of him. He thought that if he could make it through the door before Sirius could come to his senses, then he might have a chance of making it out the window and down to the grounds again; and there was no way that Sirius could follow him down the Tower, much less find him in the dark, in the Forbidden Forrest. There was, however, the slight problem that Remus was only wearing a towel and would, in all likelihood, end up running around the grounds starkers. He quickly weighed up the pros and cons and decided that it would be worth it to escape from Sirius' questions – the most likely one being 'why?'

Of course, all his careful planning was wasted because as soon as Remus dropped the razor (he wasn't going to take it with him!), jumped towards Sirius, who was still in the doorway, and started to push him aside, Sirius grabbed Remus around the waist and essentially crash-tackled him to the floor. The loud smack of flesh meeting tile echoed in the large bathroom and Sirius quickly threw silencing and locking charms at the door while Remus tried to catch his breath after being winded.

Sirius stared down at Remus in consternation and started to open his mouth, but Remus cut him off. "Don't you _dare_ ask me why, Sirius Black, or you will have to grow a new pair of testicles as yours will be feeding the squid in the lake." Remus glared up at him and dared the impulsive boy to ask the question.

Sirius deliberated with himself for a moment before sighing and resigning to his fate. "I think you at least owe me the answer to the previously stated unstateable question, Remus. Please? I'd like to understand." Sirius begged with his eyes.

Remus continued to glare for a second before grimacing, but nodding. "Then get off Pads, and I'll tell you," he said as he pushed at Sirius lightly: if they stayed in that position much longer then Remus was going to have an even bigger problem on his hands – if that was possible.

Sirius obediently climbed off the wolf and sat beside him. He was fuming quietly that Remus would dare to hurt himself, but he took a breath and calmed down, with effort, and looped his arms about his knees, and moved to rest his back against the counter. "Fire away, Remus."

The wolf snorted and sat up, leant back on his hands and hissed when he sliced the edge of his left palm on the razor he'd dropped. He absently brought his hand to his mouth and proceeded to lick it clean while contemplating the ceiling. Before he began he warned his friend "you're not going to like it Sirius and I'm sure it's not what you're expecting, but please don't interrupt until I'm done." He sighed, still licking the thin, but deep, slice, and looked down at his feet. "I don't cut, Sirius, because I have angsty teenage emotions that need to be let out – or because I'm calling for help. I cut because I enjoy it," he smiled against his hand at the memory and saw Sirius frown and clench his teeth from the corner of his eye. He decided to make the dog even more uncomfortable and went on: "the feel of the blade, the faint sting, and the best part is the blood – there's no point in cutting if there's no blood." He paused to look at the blood that had run down his arm and was pooling around his right hand, and had to forcefully prevent himself from licking it off his arm – it helped that he could go back to sucking it off his palm. He continued. "If it scars then it's an added bonus. I use it as an outlet for my – shall we call it tension – that I have almost constantly because the person I want, and love, is constantly near me and the only _other_ way of letting out that tension is not nearly as satisfying. I suppose you could say that I'm a complete masochist, but that wouldn't be entirely true because I do _not_ enjoy being hurt if it's a surprise or if it's not someone I trust that's doing the hurting. I realize that you probably think its wrong, but even your distaste of it is not going to stop me. Do you understand, Sirius?" Remus looked over at his friend for the first time and cocked his head to the side questioningly.

Sirius was once again in a state of shock. Not only from the fact that _Remus_, of all people, enjoyed pain, but also from the fact that the quiet wolf loved someone and..._wanted_ them. Sirius had no doubt about the meaning behind Remus' use of the word "tension" as he'd felt it himself, many times, along with every other boy that has ever lived; but he couldn't quite stamp out the flicker of jealously he felt towards whoever it was that Remus loved. _For God's sake, get a grip on reality you stupid dog! It never was, never is, and never will be – so stop thinking about him!_ After his self-berating, Sirius came back to himself and considered his best friend. "I'm glad you realise that I want you to stop, Remus, because I do." He stared into the amber eyes for a minute, then sighed and broke eye-contact. "But I value your friendship too much to kick you out of my life. Just know that I don't approve of what your doing: though if you ever want any help cleaning up or anything like that, then let me know and I'll be there." He smiled crookedly and once again met Remus' eyes. "Promise me that, at least?"

Remus' eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "You mean...you're really not going to run off and tell all the teachers and James and Peter about this? Instead you'll help me if ask?" Remus was astounded.

Sirius frowned. "Don't misunderstand me Remus – the only reason I'm _not_ telling anyone is because if I did, then you wouldn't want to know me anymore – and I wouldn't be able to handle that. Selfish reasons, I know, but that's how I feel. And no, I will only help you clean up – never help in the act itself; except that I'd like to be present when you cut, simply for the purpose of making sure you don't go too deep," he glared at the wolf and looked pointedly at the puddle by his hand, "like you have tonight." He sighed. "Can you understand?"

Remus turned away from his friend and nodded to his feet. "I understand Sirius...but having you near me while I'm trying to let out the tension would defeat the entire purpose, and I'm sure you'd find it distasteful, so maybe you shouldn't be there."

Sirius stared at him for a moment before his jaw dropped as the pieces clicked together: working out the tension that he has almost constantly, the person he wants and loves is always near him, Sirius defeating the purpose of removing that tension..._Holy Shit!! Does that mean...no way, there is absolutely no way I could be this lucky...but what if I'm right and let this opportunity go? I can't risk that...I'll have to ask him...but what if I'm wrong?_

_But what if I'm right?_

Remus looked up see why Sirius wasn't saying anything and saw the astonished look on his face. Remus quickly reviewed what he'd just said, cross-referenced that with what he'd said before, drew some conclusions and then all the blood drained from his face. He slowly looked up into Sirius' steel grey eyes.

"Remus," Sirius started, staring hard at the wolf. "The person you want, and love, doesn't happen to be…_me_ does it?" His voice was careful, but Remus detected a faint tremor, and his eyes were cautiously hopeful.

Remus searched for words and excuses but none came to him, so he settled for tucking in his feet, wrapping his bloodied arms around his legs and nodding dejectedly to the floor. He was therefore caught by surprise and let out a yelp as Sirius tackled him to floor for the second time. The dog nuzzled against his chest and then looked up into his eyes. "Love you too Remus." He grinned.

The wolf's jaw dropped and he stared at Sirius in bewilderment. "You mean you...? But... how... why..." Remus continued to flounder until Sirius rescued him by placing a chaste kiss on his lips.

Remus' eyes grew even wider, if possible, but then he responded, deepening the kiss and threading his hands through Sirius' hair. The dog groaned and pressed Remus harder to the floor. When the wolf winced, however, he stopped and rolled off him carefully.

Remus pouted but followed him into a sitting position. "Why'd you stop?" he whined.

Sirius smiled softly, tracing a hand down Remus' face, "because I was hurting you."

Remus rolled his eyes, but kissed and nuzzled the palm. "The pleasure was far outweighing the discomfort of the tiles, Sirius."

Sirius looked slightly abashed. "Oh…sorry."

Remus waved off his apology and then smirked. "That's okay: you can make up for it by continuing once we're in bed."

Sirius' eyes widened at he caught the undertones in Remus' reasoning. "You want to…continue…in a bed…wow," and the smile that lit up Sirius' face was glorious. However, when he glanced at Remus and noticed that the cut, and the slice, had left blood smears on the tiles, Remus' legs, the white towel around the wolf's waist and quite possibly in his own hair, the smile slid off his face to be replaced with sadness. "Will you let me clean that?" Sirius asked quietly.

Remus started and looked down. There was blood everywhere. And he'd just had a shower. Great. He sighed and shook his head. "Don't worry about it Pads – I'll clean it up after I've had another shower." Remus looked down at his hand and then up at Sirius' ear. "Ah, maybe you'd better join me…" His eyes glazed as he studied the wet darkness that covered Sirius' right ear.

Sirius automatically lifted a hand to try and find out where the blood was, but Remus caught his hand midair and moved closer until he could reach out and lick some of it off. Sirius jumped and shuddered; his ears had always been sensitive. "Remus…what…?" but the wolf ignored him and began to systematically lick and suck all traces of blood of the dog's ear until it was all gone.

Remus sat back licking his lips and stared into Sirius' eyes. "I don't want my blood to dirty you Sirius – ever."

Sirius, however, was staring at Remus' mouth with his head cocked to the side. He impulsively leant forward and licked off a bit of red that Remus had missed. He rolled the flavour around his mouth and then grinned at his shell-shocked boyfriend. "It's too late for that, Remus, because now I'm a part of you and you're part of me." He winked. "But I still won't object to joining you in the shower."

* * *

A/N: A promising ending and if enough people ask I'll do a smut scene for you all - but I need encouragement or I tend to drift along in my own happy little world. So, ask and thou shalt recieve :D Bye!


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